Instincts
by dauntlessblackhawk
Summary: Natasha left SHIELD without a word to anyone. She hates conflicted emotions. The Black Widow was made to be emotionless yet everything changed after an archer lowered an arrow that was aimed at her heart. Clintasha one shot. [Rated mainly for language.]


******Disclaimer: I own none of these characters, have no relations with the Marvel Universe and whatsoever. If I did, there would already be a Clintasha movie out there (how I wish).**

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**A/N: Taking a short break from 'A Twist in Fate'. Don't worry, I'm still continuing it. ****This story is inspired by a post by 'avengers-in-love' on tumblr. Flashbacks in italics. Enjoy :)**

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There were light footsteps outside the corridor of her flat that seems to be slowing down as they came close to her door. She isn't expecting anyone tonight; she reached for her gun that has been left under her pillow for too long and waited for the knock.

_Natasha packed her limited amount of clothes into a medium sized leather bag then stuffed three of her __favourite__ guns and two knives into the half-full bag. She reached for the last thing that was on her mahogany table – a simple black frame with a photo of an almost ordinary-looking couple inside. If it wasn't for the sorrow hidden under their eyes, she thought. She stared at the photo for a long time before sighing and putting it back onto the table._

_Swiping her SHILED identity card one last time, watching the bullet-proof door open, she stepped out of the place where she first called 'home'._

_She left. Without a word to anyone but the director. She left. To a new place, to a new life. She left. To run away from her still dripping red ledger. She left. Him._

'Natasha? Are you in there?' she heard a voice call out from the other side of the door after two knocks. She knew that rough yet gentle voice way too well, it was the voice of whom she had tried to run away from, the voice of whom she had first trusted and remotely cared about. She screwed her face into an emotionless placate, laid down the gun in her hand and slowly turned the door knob.

'Barton,' she said, acknowledging his presence as she came face to face with a worn out SHIELD agent.

'Nata-'

'I guess you just never give up, right?' she interrupted him, not giving him a chance to start being emotional. Not now, not anymore. She has had enough already. Without letting him reply, she continued, 'Sorry, but I'm not coming back.'

He stared at her for what seemed like a millennium, contemplating what to say next that won't make the walls she put up grow any taller, wider and thicker.

'I just wanted to know how you're doing,' he murmured, not looking at her. His voice was solid, but the hurt still seeped through the words. 'I miss you, Nat.'

'_Natasha!' she heard him yell as she was suddenly shoved to the floor with a thud._

'_Barton, what the hell?' she growled as she tried to get up. She must have fractured a few bones again, her enhancers will take care of that, she thought. Then she smelled blood. Her heart beats sped up and her eyes were wide, looking for the source. _

'_Damn it, stay with me Barton, evac is going to be here soon,' she said shaking him by his shoulders forcefully after realizing what happened._

Natasha couldn't help but smile a bit at the sheer amount of emotions bleeding through those four words. She mentally kicked her own ass for showing her feelings.

'You know I didn't have a choice, Nat,' he sighed, 'you're my partner, you're my friend. Hell, you're _more_ than my friend and I will do anything I can to protect you. You know that.'

'I don't need protecting, Barton.'

'I know, but I can't help it, that's what happens when you care about someone.'

'I can take care of myself. I'm my own woman, Barton. I don't need some knights in shining armor. They don't exist, don't you understand?' her tone rose as she got more and more agitated.

'I do trust you, Tasha, I do. And I know you're capable of taking care of yourself. It's just…I don't want to see you getting hurt when I could have done something to prevent it. Instincts, Tasha. Instincts,' he said, feeling defeated.

'Can I go in? It's cold out here.' She didn't even realise he was still outside her apartment and that she was still holding onto the door knob. She nodded, shifted to the side to let him slip into her space. They were standing far too close.

'_Don't worry, Agent Romanoff, he's in stable condition. He should be awake in 48 hours,' the doctor said when he saw her standing outside the glass window watching her partner. She nodded and walked away. That wasn't the first time, in Hungary he had nearly drowned himself to save her. In Slovakia, he compromised the mission to go after her when she was captured. In Paris he took a bullet for her that was lodged into his chest, leaving him in a coma for three whole months. At least he woke up, at last… Those were just examples of the worst cases. She couldn't take this anymore; he's torturing her with his emotions. The Black Widow was made not to feel anything, not to care, not to love. It's impossible to stay at SHIELD anymore, it's impossible to keep on watching someone get hurt because of her._

_And so she left._

'Look, Natasha, screw fraternisation rules, I can't help it if I have feelings for somebody, okay? You're beautiful, talented, badass and just down right sexy, you can't expect anyone not to fall for you after being your partner for six damn long years. After Budapest, after Hungary, after Slovakia, after New York, even after Paris.'

'Paris wasn't even a mission,' she murmured, remembering what had happened. _It was too close._

'Tasha, you don't have to be afraid to feel things,' he whispered as he took a step forward and cupped her cheeks with his calloused hands that killed many but spared her. She just shook her head, refusing to look at him but was too tired of fighting to retort and involuntarily leaned into his touch.

_Some day, maybe some day._

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**A/N: Review please? They make my day :) Constructive criticisms are most welcomed too. **

**I hope you liked the one shot. Wonder what Paris is? Check out my other two fics and you just might find out the connections ;) **

**I know it's a bit short but this is all I can come up with at the moment. Thank you for reading! ❤ And if you're interested, check out my tumblr? It's dauntlessblackhawk, same as my pen name here :)**


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